I’m not feeling the best. For the last 4 days my mind and body crashed. I went to see the doctor yesterday and had a big scare. Somehow I was under so much pressure that my blood pressure spiked to an extreme level and I should have been.. Dead. That was very scary.
Everyone is living despite how I feel or how I choose to live my life.
Words cannot described how insanely busy I have been the past 3 months. I have been on a rollercoaster ride and I still don’t know when this will end.
Selling my house and everything in it is the hardest thing I have ever done… yes it is worse than child birth.
I am now living in between the farm at Serpentine and a friend’s house in Beaconsfield, very lucky to have a place to go to.
My travel plans are… Leave Perth 16 December, stay with friends from 19th December join Julien in Paris 30th December 2013.
I had a paps mere and the result came back as having a slow growth cancer cells. There is nothing I could do about it until end of January where they will conduct another test to see how it is progressing or if it has stopped. My mother was in hospital while I was trying to sell my house and move. Even though she is out now I believe she has not got long to live and I don’t have the time to go to see her in Sydney and there is not much I can do for her right now, my sister had a miscarriage, my son moved out of home, my brother still won’t talk to me and my friends… well they seem to have disappeared on me adding to my stress.
People say how can you just leave and not see the kids for soo long? For me I don’t know how either but to stay will kill me. I need to go and find some piece within myself so I can come back and be a good mother again.
Selling the house the car, leaving the business and giving the control to someone else… now that’s tuff. I have fought so hard to live for so long now and my challenge is to stop fighting and just simply live.
Breath Thyda, just breath. I tell myself each and every minute now.. All I have to do to survive is to breath and be happy, surround myself with good people who care about me and let go of the one that don’t. I do need and value my life, I need to stay alive not just for me but for my children.
I truly though I was going to die and not make it to Paris.. there is still a little hurdle to go.
For now this is just an update about how I feel. My energy is extremely low I cannot even speak properly. My ex-husband has offered me his home to rest and I will take that offer for the next few days.
I have been thinking about my wills a lot and I know I should get this done asap.
For now I shall leave you with this quote —
“Advice? I don’t have advice. Stop aspiring and start writing. If you’re writing, you’re a writer. Write like you’re a goddamn death row inmate and the governor is out of the country and there’s no chance for a pardon. Write like you’re clinging to the edge of a cliff, white knuckles, on your last breath, and you’ve got just one last thing to say, like you’re a bird flying over us and you can see everything, and please, for God’s sake, tell us something that will save us from ourselves. Take a deep breath and tell us your deepest, darkest secret, so we can wipe our brow and know that we’re not alone. Write like you have a message from the king. Or don’t. Who knows, maybe you’re one of the lucky ones who doesn’t have to.”
― Alan Wilson Watts