I am ready to give up everything in my life. I have this haze this cloud covering my head.

Everything I want and hoped for is given to me with so many conditions that I just don’t want it anymore.

Fight for what you love. Stand up for yourself. Do what’s make you happy. You have to think for yourself. You have to consider other people feelings.

Everything I have, I have to fight tooth and nail for. I am so sick of fighting. I am so tired over this current situation.

Do what make you happy? Well at the moment I am not happy with lot of things. Everywhere I turn every decision I make I seem to hit an obstacle. My head hurts, my body aches, I am not ok.

It’s pissing me off right now to have such a negative outlook on life at the moment. I don’t even want to go to Europe anymore.

All I can think about is sneaking away somewhere and never return. Burn everything and not have anything that has my name my belonging… I was never born.

This weather is depressing me, every time I plan something to go away or to do something, it just seem to be an impossible task.  

This dream I have to go to Europe get all tied up with the sale of the house and my own emotional bullshit.

I feel like a drifted wood that is currently going through a ragging current, bashing onto rocks chipping away chucks at a time to soon be nothing left unless someone can help provide some kind of stability for me. No one could. I know this too shalt pass.

I do know there has been lots of a positive in my life. But if I don’t write this, and express how I feel right now, right at this very moment! I will burst!!